ARTIST: Market Irglova
Song: The Hill, from the album/Soundtrack of the movie: ’Once′
A song that captures so powerfully the realization, applicable to every one of us, that the people you hold to be the most dear in your life, may not always be there, and in fact, WILL NOT ALWAYS BE THERE, and for me this song so delicately and hauntingly expresses another equally (or more so) painful layer of this fact, one made painfully clear in my own life, that even if that person is not lost completely to you, if they remain in some sort of physical capacity (intimately or mere companionship), then certainly there is a point where your heart no longer syncs with one another*, the romantic words have proven to be inadequate, the effort to make sense between two contrary wills has strained everything beyond the breaking point , the “love” has been found wanting, and rather than a quick, brutal (and in the end, a more merciful) end, it drags on…and on….and on…into a gradual, cold death.
This song, obviously gender switched in my case, reminds me of how it feels to love someone and have that love be proven ultimately one-sided**, a tidal force flowing in a single direction, not reciprocated when it matters most. you’ve come to terms with your own failures in the process of being tested with that person’s life, yet the depth of your self-reflection and personal growth is not valued by anyone but yourself…certainly not by the person who ironically is supposed to understand more than anyone, and so it all crashes down.
We can choose to get up and keep living, as the sun must rise each morning and is more than happy to greet us, oblivious as it is to our past woes, or we can lay down and give up in the dark. I submit that it’s better to feel something, even if it must be something dreadful from time to time, then feel nothing at all.
Even so, as we move on, forgetting the past and forging new bonds, a part of us, increasingly diminished as we progress, still hopefully, foolishly; looks for a sign***
Walking up the hill tonight and you have closed your eyes.*
I wish I didn’t have to make all those mistakes and be wise.
Please try to be patient and know that I’m still learning.
I’m sorry that you have to see the strength inside me burning.
Where are you, my angel, now?
Don’t you see me crying?
And I know that you can’t do it all, but you can’t say I’m not trying.
I’m on my knees in front of him, but he doesn’t seem to see me.
With all his troubles on his mind he’s looking right through me.**
And I’m letting myself down by satisfying you,
And I wish that you could see I have my troubles, too.
Looking at you sleeping, I’m with the man I know.
And I’m sitting here weeping while the hours pass so slow.
And I know that in the morning I have to let you go.
And you’ll be just a man once I used to know.
Before these past few days someone I don’t recognize.
This isn’t all my fault.
When will you realize?
Looking at you leaving, I’m looking for a sign.***